Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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