I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
