We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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