Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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