At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
they're like a gay fantastic four
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
