i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
