We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
