I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
