....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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