I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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