you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Randomize
