he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
