I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
