I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
