im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
