After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
