just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
