How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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