I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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