I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Ladies don't puke and tell
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
