How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
