Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
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