She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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