im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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