Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
