im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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