$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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