Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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