No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Terrible idea I love it
is that a dick in a sweater?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
