I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
