We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
