Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
