Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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