Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize