Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
