i just wanna soil my oats bro
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
