we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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