I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize