he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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