I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
