I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize