Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
