i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
