i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
