You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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