If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
