I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
