i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
