wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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