I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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