between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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