I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize