We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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