Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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