I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
