he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
