That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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