Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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