The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize