For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You left your phone here
Wait...
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
