Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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