just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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