im having a threesome with these popsicles
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
