I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
