Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
