She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
