the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I booty called her while she was in labor.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize