i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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