I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
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