remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
