does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
