Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
