Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
