nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
