Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
