i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Randomize
