U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
