She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
he fucked my hip out of place.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
