You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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