i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
