Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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