How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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