i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
