Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
