i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize