i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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