Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
