only if we run a train.
done.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize