so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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