stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
