Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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