dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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