This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I will be naked everywhere
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize