i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Randomize
