You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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