there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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