I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
