dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
barbara walters just said penis...
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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