i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
